poker players make the best parents

Thursday, August 20, 2009 at 12:01am

I was preparing dinner the other day while Patrick was giving 3 year old Sydney her shot of insulin when she asked the dreaded question. "Daddy, when is my diabetes going away?" I held my breath, continued to look down at the sink, and relied on my husband. It's something I'm reluctant to do, even with my husband.

I couldn't physically turn my head to look at her. I heard Patrick say in his calm gentle voice, "it's not going away baby, you have to have shots of insulin every day and take blood glucose tests everyday." That's Patrick, compassionate in the calm simplicity of his explanation.

Before this, it was Spencer, our 6 year old that asked the expected questions, "when is Sydney going to get better?" And made the expected comments, "don't drink out of Sydney's sippy cup Shelby, you'll get her sickness." And we would gently explain to Spencer that Sydney was never going to get better, that she would always need her insulin. As reluctant as I am to lay such a burden on my 6 year old son, I realize that someday, he may be in a position to save her life because we're not always going to be there. And the education of his sister's physical vulnerabilities starts now. And when she's old enough, Shelby, now one, will be there to help.

I waited for "the question" for weeks. And now that it's said, I'm waiting for "the crying," for "the arguing." Something. Instead, silence. I forced myself to look at her. She's sitting at the dinner table, busy with her toy. Not a trace of acknowledgement of her father's heavy pronouncement. Amazed, I realized that she lost interest half way through Patrick's explanation. Unfortunately for Patrick, that is not as rare of an occurrence as Patrick would prefer. Words caught in my throat, I resisted the urge to explain further. The key is knowing when to stop. I continued to cook. Patrick continued to put away the insulin kit. Each acting what we don't feel, calm acceptance. A couple of poker players bluffing ourselves. Acting any other way would be a disservice to Sydney.